Ian Thorpe is gay … who cares?
So Ian Thorpe is gay. After years of speculation, the question has finally been laid to rest thanks to a much-hyped interview with veteran British television host Sir Michael Parkinson.
“I’m not straight,” was the Olympic swimmer’s unequivocal answer to the question of his sexuality.
“I’m comfortable saying I’m a gay man,” he later added.
Many have hailed the revelation as brave and inspiring. For others, it seems only to have prompted more questions: Why did he “lie” about it for so long? Who cares? Why does it matter? Didn’t we already know that anyway?
So why did it take so long?
I asked this myself – until I remembered it took nearly 10 years for me to be entirely comfortable and open about my own sexuality.
Thorpe was first asked about his sexual identity at just 16, an age at which he says he didn’t know who he was. He was attending an all-boys school, where the answer to such a question was automatically “no”, followed by readying for a fight.
He apparently told his own parents only two weeks before the interview with Parkinson.
Understanding and expressing sexuality is a personal process, not a public one, and so is “coming out”. It can be terrifying.
Some people know they are gay at an early age, some have an inkling but suppress it because of a fear of being rejected or judged, others genuinely don’t realise until much later in life.
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No one can tell you when it is the right time to come out.
No one should demand that you do.
We have been raised in a society where the conditioning about what is “normal” and what isn’t begins at an early age: boys are given trucks and footballs to play with; girls are encouraged to dress dolls and take up ballet. “Do you have a boyfriend in your class?” we teasingly ask a little girl when she starts school. The vast majority of the images young people see in popular culture and the media depict male-female relationships; the dream of a fairytale white wedding and a traditional nuclear family is still pervasive in 21st century culture.
So no matter how well-loved you are and how much you trust your family, “coming out” holds a fear both for yourself and for them. A niggling voice says they might not cope, that you will be shattering their dreams, that you might be rejected.
You can never be certain how people in the wider community will respond. Every gay person has lied at some point, either directly or by omission, to avoid having to reveal or explain their sexuality. They may have referred to a live-in partner as a “flatmate”; said they were travelling with a “friend”; deliberately used gender-neutral terms when referring to a partner in a situation where acceptance isn’t guaranteed, or failed to correct someone who has referred to that partner as a “husband” or “wife”.
How the pressure must intensify when you are a celebrity and the whole world is watching.
Regardless of the financial implications surrounding Thorpe’s decision not to come out earlier – or, indeed, the way in which he eventually did so – no one has the right to judge him for how he chose to disclose this personal information.
”I wanted to make my nation proud of me,” he told Parkinson, when explaining why he didn’t tell people at the height of his fame. “I didn’t know if Australia wanted its champion to be gay.”
That says it all, really.
Didn’t we already know?
No you didn’t, because he didn’t tell you.
Joe Hildebrand fluffed feathers with a Twitter joke saying Ian Thorpe “should have said he was straight if he really wanted to shock people”.
The comment, for which he later apologised, was labelled insensitive and unkind. But let’s be honest, many of you were thinking it.
The man designed his own range of jewellery, for goodness sake; he has a dress sense that would be the envy of many a Hollywood celebrity, he’s articulate, and he hasn’t been involved in scandals over women or bar-room brawls. Hell, he probably even likes Kylie Minogue.
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We all apply stereotypes like this in everyday life. We want to label people and put them in boxes: men exhibiting traits considered less masculine must be gay, women who err on the side of Ellen must be lesbian.
But here’s the thing: you only know someone is gay when they tell you. Otherwise you’re just making an assumption based on what you think you know.
A wax and a man-bag does not maketh a homosexual any more than macho behaviour and using derogatory words like “poofter” maketh the heterosexual.
Who cares?
Comedian and TV host Tom Ballard answered this best: “15-year-old closeted me, that’s who”.
So do I, because I think that every gay person who is open about their sexuality makes it just a little bit easier for others.
So does every young person struggling with their sexuality, wincing every time one of their peers refers to something lame or stupid as “gay”, and desperately yearning for a gay role model.
So do the parents of those kids, who know how cruel the world can be, who want their children to see that they can be whoever and whatever they want to be regardless of their sexuality, and who are fearful of the reported high rates of self-harm among young gay people who feel isolated and unaccepted.
And so do you, or you wouldn’t be reading this article. You wouldn’t have watched the interview, you wouldn’t be discussing it around the water-cooler, and you wouldn’t have posted that flippant comment on social media.
Why does it matter?
It matters for the reasons above – because homophobia and inequality still exist in Australia in the year 2014.
It matters because gay people in this country do still get insulted and bashed purely on the basis of their sexuality.
It matters because in other countries, people can be killed simply for being gay.
Many people – both gay and straight – say it’s nobody’s business but your own who you sleep with. But sexual identity is about far more than sex. It’s about who you love, who you enter into an exclusive relationship with, who you marry (or are denied the right to marry) and who you choose to raise a family with.
Modern-day Australia is becoming more accepting and tolerant, and this leads to a certain amount of apathy – to a belief that being gay today is “no big deal”, that it’s easy to come out and be out, and that we now have full equality.
Polls show that some two-thirds of Australians support same-sex marriage – but that means around one-third believe same-sex couples should be denied the same rights as heterosexual couples. And not only are we denied marriage equality, Australia refuses to recognise same-sex marriages performed in other countries. Same-sex couples are also denied equal rights when it comes to IVF and adoption.
Then there’s the casual homophobia, such as AFL commentator Brian Taylor referring to a player as a “big poofter” on the weekend.
Even the language surrounding Thorpe’s coming out is akin to that which we would use if he was accused of a crime – the “accusations” he was gay, the “denials”, the fact he has now “admitted” it.
We may wish we lived in a world where all people are treated equally and fairly regardless of their sexuality, but the reality is we don’t – so it matters.
We’ve come a long way, but we still have a long way to go.
